On Dating

I’ve been dating since the BF and I broke up. Really, this is the first time I’ve ever “dated” per sey, since nearly all my other dates ended with “boyfriend” becoming appended to the guy’s name. So this is new, and there’s an etiquette that I’m not quite abreast of. For instance: when one of the guys you’re dating wants to date you exclusively, don’t tell him about the awesome date you went on the night before with another guy.

Yes, you’d think this would be common sense, but, due to my limited dating history, I’m used to simultaneously dating and being friends with guys. Part of my friendship includes the lifetime membership to the too much information club, and all the details of my life that entails.

I’ve also learned that when a guy says he’s ok with you not wanting to date exclusively, but then says, “I’ll wait until you’re ready,” that means he’s not really ok with my not wanting to date him exclusively. This realization culminated in an exquisitely awkward conversation, during which you say, “It’s not you, it’s me” completely non-ironically and sincerely for possibly the first time ever.

After dating the BF for so long, I’ve become excellent at platonically friending guys, but my ability to tell if they like me or are interested in dating me has completely withered away. Well, I say that as if that was something at which I ever excelled, but it’s practically deteriorated away by now. So far all the dates I’ve been on have been arranged through dating websites. I have to admit that online dating has broadened by social circle with guys I would probably never have met otherwise, but flirting over broadband is never as satisfying as seeing in-person reactions to the way you move, or what you say. Online dating encompasses a certain progression; by the time you get to meeting in person you’ve generally already reached a tentative level of interest and certainty in compatibility. Not that that’s always true; I went on a date last week with a guy who was a blast to chat with. Just the right level of flirty innuendo and genuine interest, plus his picture was super cute. Unfortunately none of the pixilated attraction translated to the actual dinner table, and half an hour later I was on my own again, walking home in the drifts of dirty leftover snow and wondering which message got so dreadfully garbled in the transition.

My lack of real-world exploratory flirting is my own fault, though, since I’ve been so busy dating two guys that I’ve practically abandoned my friends and the bar games that sustained me until I reached the relatively normal level where I am now. Even though it’s only February and snow is forecast for Thursday, I can almost smell spring in the air, accompanied by the usual feelings of wanderlust and anticipation. This year I’m single for the first time in nearly six years, I wonder what will happen?